Do what where we are planted?!?

  The whole point of this blog is to give others some insight, and honesty into our journey.  We even have our website named haddenjourney.com (shameless plug) because we are very much on this journey of adventure, self realization, growth in every.single.area, humility, selflessness when you are a selfish being, and it is uncomfortable.  The definition of "journey" is to travel from one place to another.  That has defined us for the past few years.  Traveling, growing, from one place to the other.

This morning has been quite the morning.  A sweet (unsweet) little teether, a whinny (almost) 5 year old little girl, and my oldest who only wants to talk about being in a "real" school with a "real" teacher (homeschooling fail 101).  I don't always love homeschooling, and I struggle with feeling equipped to teach.  It's not natural for me.   Maybe your reading this thinking "this is the greatest thing we have ever done!", I'm just not there yet.  I know we will get to that point, but right now it's not always fun or easy.  Even worse when all your sweet boy wants to do is be somewhere else.  And the honestly comes out, when you want them in another school some days too!!  I don't feel that way all the time, and I know he will get the best education at home, but you homeschool moms...Don't lie and say you love it all the time! haha! It's a huge task, with a lot of pressure.  Maybe I'm just doing it wrong! haha! Maybe it is all flowers and butterflies, and perfect crafts, and perfectly done papers, happy children, and joyful moms. But I'm sure we all have those days.  The other day I posted a quote about being content.  About it being more about us, than our situation or circumstance that make our contentment.  Disclaimer: This is not a pity post, it's a real post that I believe so many of us deal with.  There are people, friends, and family even who don't see us as "being on the mission field".  They view us as just living in the prairie land in America.  Oh yes, prairie it is.  And in America, yes!  But oh so much more.  We still have left our home, easier for Matt than myself.  Only because this is what He has always done, and He is awesome at it!  And he is a man, it's just plain easier. Haha!  We have left the comforts of somethings and gained the comforts of others.  We have grown dependent on the Lord, and our little family. We do love it here, promise.  But let's get real.  The "bloom where you are planted" thing isn't always easy.  There is a moment where God does a work in your heart to throw out any negative, gross thing and replaces it with peace, understanding, and CONTENTMENT.  I appreciate when people thank us, or make comments like "your so brave", or "your so inspirational".  It is encouraging, even if we don't think that of ourselves. But seriously, I have days let me tell you when I am kicking and screaming.  Don't you?  In any arena that we are in, there are days we want something else, something more. What I want to say is, "I'm really not that brave...".  So let me tell you what I've learned.  Even in the last few weeks.

God is our contentment.  

He is our bravery.  

He is our inspiration.  

He is our refuge.  

Our Peace.  

Our straight jacket if we need it, holding us together when we are kicking, screaming, and on our way to the crazy house.  

HE IS!  

He is bigger than our desires.  

He knows them well. 

 And He knows that even though we can't always see it, He has us right where we truly want to be.  I love God's people.  I love the Native Culture and the beauty that surrounds me every day.  But I'm no different than you.  You mom's who feel your "job" isn't worthy all the time, you ministers who don't always want to minister, you women who feel you don't have anything truly for yourselves.  I've been there.  So where do you go from here?  You trust Jesus.  Period.  You trust in His promises that He has FULLY equipped you to do all the things He has called you to.  In my discouraged moments of feeling like I'm not doing enough, or whatever, and I talk to Matt he always asks me, "Ok, where do you want to be? What do you want to be doing?"  And my answer is always, "Here, doing what I'm doing!"  Because that is truly my heart.  My heart, and desire is to be here, ministering, sharing Jesus, and loving His people.  And I'm thankful that God knows my heart, more than I even do.

I'll be honest, while writing this my fear was that the people who think I'm "strong" all the time read this and see that I'm "weak".  Seriously Amanda! That is such a dumb thought.  I mean for real... Who is strong apart from Jesus?  None of us.  If nothing else is seen in this post, I hope you see that I am weak apart from Jesus.  I need Him.  I trust Him, and in some small way, each day He is teaching me.  Refining me.  I know there are ladies, moms, and wives who have been in this place.  So I want to encourage you...He is our contentment.  When we aren't content in where God has us, it is usually a heart issue.  So dig deep ladies, because you are doing the most important job in your home, and I hope that you find contentment in Jesus.

Learning to "Bloom",

Amanda