February Update!!

Hello Friends,

It is only February and it has already started at being a very full year for us, there has not been any slowing down. We are hoping to get in a little routine around our house here before summer is here and we won't have time to think.

Amanda has been very busy at the house keeping up with Noah who is starting to squirm all over the place and jabber and laugh about everything while teaching Jacob and Leah at home. If any of you are not aware she (Amanda) is my rock. She keeps us all in line, challenging me spiritually taking care of everything in our home, she is looked up to by so many people, she loves Jesus.  (and is really pretty doing it.) I am very thankful for her and don't sing her praises near enough. The role she has taken on in this journey we are on is so very important and a necessity to do what God has put in our hearts. Moms/Wives - don't ever think your calling is not as great as whatever your husband is doing.

We had our first teen weekend at the camp the first weekend in January. I thought it went great. We had 21 through the weekend. The theme was Restoration - How God restores us right where we are in whatever condition we are in. He makes all things new. I have seen the teens grow a lot over the last year. We have been having issues with so many of the younger ones wanting to come and be a part of teen night, as much as I would love to have all of them it is not right for the older ones and we don't have the resources to reach them right yet on this particular night. As of late we have been having over 20 teens each week. I believe God is raising up a new generation of young people here who want more in life than just what has been handed to them. It is really hard to get out of a place in life where all you have been handed in life is abuse and told that there is nothing here for you, so many of them want to check out and are crying out for help and love by cutting themselves or medicating themselves with a drug to get through the day. I see this in very early ages of 10 years old and some even younger. I say this to say - Pray for the young people on Pine Ridge, Pray for Amanda and I to have wisdom in pouring into them with our words and actions. Satan has a stronghold in our young people here and it is time we take it back.

I just got back from the Northwest Territory, Canada a few days ago. We had a great trip. We had worship meetings in the evenings and did some construction projects during the days. On Sunday we baptized 7 people and just really saw the Lord moving in so many hearts there. We were in the town of Rae which is home to some of the Dog Rib tribe. We were working with a pastor Missionary there who has been there for 20 years. It is so encouraging to see what God can do when we are faithful to what He calls to. There is a great group of people there who love God and have a great sense of community and fellowship along with a burden to see more of their people come to know Jesus. You might know this already but I want to share with you something I have learned in my travels over the years - Jesus changes people, any culture, any place, any economy Jesus makes all things new and gives purpose and reason to life. He is the giver of and the very definition of life. I am grateful for pastors and missionaries who are faithful to preach the gospel even when there is no fame or glory for themselves but rather all for Jesus. It is easy to want and desire for God to elevate us and have a big church with all the trimmings in life, but the reality is God wants us where He will be most glorified, how much do we want and desire for God to be glorified? God put me wherever will bring you the most glory. John the Baptist got it when he told His followers that his joy is full when Jesus is increased. Is Jesus increasing in and around your life?

This coming weekend I will be teaching on finances at our church. I don't know that I am the best person to be teaching on this as I have always had the idea that if you have it you need to spend it. However I can share a lot of my failures as illustrations as well as share how faithful God has been to me. We either believe that God is  trustworthy and provides our needs as He said or we don't. Most of the time our actions show we don't trust the Lord. I am grateful that God is patient with me as he constantly teaches me this as He provides in ways I could have never dreamed and it is always when it is needed. As our vision grows our ministry continues to grow, with that so does our need. God has met every one of our needs and I have no doubt that he will continue to do so. My dad has always said "Whatever God orders, He pays for" - so true.

Thank you for everything that you guys do for us, we are surrounded by wonderful people that loves us and pray for us. I want you to know that it does not go unnoticed and we are so very grateful.

Learning to serve the Lord in all we do,

Matt, Amanda, Jacob, Leah and Noah Hadden

PS.

If you do not want to receive this newsletter any more or would like to add a different email please let me know, I am working on this area of ministry for us and it is not easy for me. I am not to good at writing and definitely not good at the real technical stuff. Hopefully by next month I will be changing the way this is sent and will have the website functional to make it easier to check out pictures and the way you can give toward certain projects and such. 

My turn!! :)

Wow, what a whirlwind of the last few months!  What joy it is to say we are healthy, blessed, loved, and overwhelmed by God's goodness! Since the last update, we have welcomed Noah Luke into our family and it has been so much fun! The kids are at such good ages and enjoy him so much.  When your "baby" isn't much of a baby, when you do welcome a little one you appreciate the small moments so much more.  We have enjoyed seeing him grow and the different stages, and so enjoyed the big kids loving and playing with him.

Right now, the kids and I are in Newnan, Georgia with our family missing Matt as he is in South Dakota.  He had to return for work and to be back with our church family.  We are enjoying the time spent with our family but do miss our home and family in South Dakota. We are so close to our families, and the kids are loving playing with cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and friends.  Our kids are 5th generation kids! They have a great-great grandmother, 3 sets of great grandparents, 2 sets of grandparents, and as  many of you know LOTS of aunts, uncles, and cousins!  The Hadden Family lost their grandmother in September, but we are so glad Jacob and Leah were able to know Maw Maw.  So for us, it's important that they have relationships with their extended family and that we make that a priority for them.

While Matt was in town we spoke at Lisbon Baptist Church in Fayetteville.  I got to meet the ladies Sunday school class that has been emailing us, sending cards of encouragement, and praying for us.  The following Sunday we had the privilege of speaking at Forward Church in Sharpsburg where my parents and some of our family attend.  Man were we blessed! Matt spoke, and I had the opportunity to lead in worship with my cousin Caitlin whom many of you met this summer. The anointing was amazing and we were so encouraged.  It's hard to leave Pine Ridge, you feel you are leaving things undone or that there are things that need to be taken care of, places you can minister. But knowing this first hand, coming back to a church who has a heart for the Natives and the Kingdom, and chooses to just love and encourage you, energizes us to head back with a refreshed sense of urgency and vision. It's so important that we take that time, and we are so thankful for all the church families who have taken us in so beautifully.

We have been blessed with a wood burning stove from a family in Mississippi. And boy have we needed it! Matt returned and was welcomed by 6 degree weather, and if any of you have experienced the South Dakota wind...you know it's brutal!  We are so thankful, our units weren't keeping up the the temperatures and we now have an alternative way to heat our home. 

In the coming weeks, we are going to celebrate Matt's 30th birthday (old!!), the Birth of Jesus, and Jacob's 7th birthday!  For me, I love birthdays!  I love to pour into someone on their birthday, especially my kids and husband.  It's a day we celebrate the birth and the gift of them coming into our lives.  We celebrate all the Lord has done in and through them, and it's encouraging to hear people say that have been impacted by you in their life. It's a day that is all about them. Some may say it's a selfish holiday (Matt, haha!), but every now and then it does need to be all about them. For Jacob, I want him to know that in all the ministry, and busyness, He is our priority, and I look forward to celebrating HIM on December 31st!

Also, we are sending out Christmas cards and if you would like to receive one and are not already on our email or contact list, please message us!  We would love to add you!

In the spirit of the season, and the gift of Jesus, take time to love on one another.  To give more than you receive and to pray for those that are missing family or loved ones during this time. We look forward to updating you again in December!

With love and thanks!

Amanda

 Jacob and Matt's brother, Nathan!

 

 

Jacob and his cousin, Isaac!

Leah and her cousin, Ansleigh who is only 6 weeks younger!

Matt and I also had the honor of celebrating our best friends wedding, Jake and Nicole!  This is the first time in YEARS all of us friends from Highschool have been in one place :)

 

Matt's parents with Noah!

Noah is getting so big and changing everyday!

Our Snow White!

Family game night with my mom, and their cousin Ashlyn!

Angel.

 

November Update from Matt

Hello friends,

I am so thankful for so many things. I know it is easy to start saying how thankful we are because it is that time of season and then be so very forgetful of how blessed we are as soon as the dust settles from the holiday season, but I truly am thankful for so many things and pray I never lose sight of all the grace and blessing God has poured out on us.

We have a sign in our house that a friend gave to us that says "Look at what love the Father has lavished on us", it is a constant reminder that we are so loved and nothing can ever separate us from that love. I don't know at what point in the Christian faith that the message of the gospel and the mission of the church strayed away from the fact that God loves us so immensely that he gave His son Jesus to die for us. The Bible says that when we lift Him up He will draw all people to Himself. This should be the heart cry of every missionary, church and believer that we would live lives in such a way that lifts the Name of Jesus up and allow Him to draw people to Himself. the more I grow in my walk with the Lord the more I realize that it is all about Jesus and that I am usually not doing God or anyone else any favors by straying away from that.

A few weeks ago we left SD and headed to GA for a dear friends wedding that our whole family had part in and was able to see our families while we were there. Along the way we stopped in Memphis and had stayed with wonderful friends and I was able to have some dental work done that I have been in need of for a little while. I am grateful for dentists and doctors that use their skill in ways that glorify God in other countries and in the US. I am back in SD while Amanda and the kids are still in GA until Christmas. I will fly back for Christmas and then head to Chicago for a youth conference and then we will head home. Pray for grace while traveling and for the youth conference I will be speaking at, I am super excited about the opportunities God has opened up for us.

In just a few weeks we will have our first weekend getaway for the teens. It will be December 6th - 8th. I will be able to take 30 local teens and have a weekend at the camp where they will come in on Friday evening and then go home on Sunday morning. It will be a fun time and also a growing time. We want the kids to be able to come at no cost to them so that money is not a concern or reason to why they would not be able to come. The theme will be "Great escape to nowhere" - how God restores us right where we are. It will cost roughly $35 - $40 per person to do all the things that we would like to do with them over the weekend. if you would like to sponsor a teen feel free to let me know or you can donate to YES (address at bottom) put teen camp or Hadden family in memo.

One thing I have been super encouraged by is seeing more of the teens and the kids coming to church on Sundays. It is such a blessing to be able to see the kids outside of school and them run up to give you a hug, or even when i got back to work the other day they were in the halls excited to see me and I excited to see them. It has been great over the last few months being able to build relationships with a lot more of the kids.

I am excited for the holiday season for all the ways that God can use us to be a blessing to so many families here. Last Saturday Rob and I helped pack over 200 boxes with all the fixings for a thanksgiving dinner for 10 people. I also have a list of families that need firewood that we have been working on getting them set up for a little while to meet those needs. God has promised to provide all of our needs according to His riches and I choose to believe that because I know of His faithfulness. He never goes back on a promise, I am so grateful for a great God who proves Himself over and over again.

I pray the Lord keeps you all safe through this season and that your hearts are truly filled with gratefulness and that you go about glowing with the presence of the Almighty resting on your lives.

I am grateful for each one of you and how you continue to bless us with your generosity and kindness.

Learning to serve the lord in all we do,

Matt, Amanda, Jacob, Leah and Noah Hadden

A friend of ours has been faithfully working on a website for us - if you would like to go check it out or donate there or keep up with more pictures and such I want to begin using it more for you guys to be up to date more and be able to see more through the technology God has given us. I do not think it is %100 but hopefully will be within the next month or so. Check it out and feel free to give me any feedback on how his can minister to you better.

www.haddenjourney.com

Things to pray for:

The families that work in our ministry

That we would lift the Name of Jesus up constantly

A tractor with a front end loader.

The teen weekend coming up

The families that are faithful in our church

A generator for the building

September Update!

Hello Friends,

I know I say it every time , but it is still hard to believe how fast time goes by. I cant hardly believe it is nearing the end of September. We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our son Noah, it is so hard to believe that 9 months have passed. A lot has gone on in those months that has kept us very busy.

Amanda's due date is Sept 29th, pray that everything goes well and that God would give her and I a peace through the delivery and early stages.

God has been so good to us.

We were able to finish up camp last month, that relieves a lot of time because of everything it takes with groups coming to help and have the kids everyday. It is still a joy and honor to be able to see the children everyday and be able to pour into them.

Amanda and I were able to take Jacob and Leah to meet her family in Missouri for a week of rest and fun to get away for a bit before the start of a new season. It was much needed and we are grateful to have had the chance to do that.

My parents and some of my siblings were able to come up, along with some longtime friends from GA, to help us close up the back porch of our house to make a little extra room for the kids before baby Noah comes. It was like extreme home makeover and we were able to get it all done in a week. Mostly because my dad is a work train and doesn't know how to slow down, of which I am very grateful for. We couldn't have gotten it done without the help we had. My mom and the ladies spent most of the time cooking and cleaning, they cooked enough food to last us more than a month and freeze it so all we would have to do is heat it up to take that load off of Amanda. 

With the new season starts a new era of ministry. When we first wanted to come up here Pastor Mike Brennan had said "Winter will be your hardest time here, there is more ministry to be done in the winter than any other time of the year." I can very much see that in the off and on time we have been here in the winter months. It is different up here in the winter. All the "white vans" are gone, all the "Wacitus" (white people) are gone and there is such an opportunity to serve. The food pantry we worked on during the summer to be able to have a place to store food, personal hygiene products, baby supplies and clothing is in the process of being stocked to be able to last us through the winter. This is something we are really praying about as a team and ask you to pray with us to be able to discern the best way to show compassion through our pantry ministry. True love and compassion is usually more inconvenient show than what we are willing to do. The Lord has really put this as a burden on my heart the last several months. It is so much easier to give one of the hundred people that come up to you and ask you for money because their mom or dad is in the hospital and they just need a few dollars to get the gas to be able to go see them in Rapid (This is an everyday conversation being here) There are a few things to think about here - one is, I don't have enough money to hand out to everyone even though they think I do. Two - I see what they do with the money and it is more than likely not for gas to see a relative in the hospital but rather to get a fix for whatever their vice is. So do you push them away and tell them no as nice as you can? Or do you take the opportunity to say I am willing to show you that I love and care about you and I don't have the money to give to you but rather begin to ask for discernment from the Holy Spirit to truly show that person the love of God. This is a whole sermon, so there is a lot I could go into here but I hope this presents you with some of the challenges we face here in this area of ministry. By the way the answer the Lord gave me one day is - I don't have any money but I have got some time, "let me drive you to rapid to see that relative." You are meeting their need and showing you care while not feeding their habit causing them to stumble. Most of the time they say "no can you just give me the money" and you can Identify them as "takers" - The inconvenient part is when they say "OK that would be great," I'm like "man, i really don't want to take an hour drive there and an hour drive back, that is really inconvenient for me but it is an act of true compassion.

The same is with the pantry in different ways that I wont go into this time.

In October we begin Wednesday night dinners and the bike ministry that we have been working on. Next month I will give you more of an update on that.

The building is getting to the place that we can begin music classes and counseling like we had planned originally just have not really had the space to do it. We are still a ways off from having the building finished but it is closer each month with little things (and big things) that are donated. In Oct we have a group coming up to help put in the septic system as well as hang the doors and help with the trim. At the end of Oct we have a group coming up to help with grading some of the driveways for the elderly in the community before winter so that it will be easier to get to their houses and for them to get out easier when it snows. Many of our elderly people are dependent on dialysis every week so this is crucial.

God is doing much in our hearts and we are excited for the new season of life ahead of us. We could never express our gratitude enough for all of the kind notes, gifts, material and financial donations. Many of you are the reason we are able to stay here. i have been blessed with an opportunity of a job to help fill in where we do not have support. It is so hard to get a job here and the Lord just gave me one. I never would have dreamed in a thousand years I would be a librarian but that is what the Lord has opened up for me, so I have been gladly working at it and learning all I can as I go along. I get the privilege to work with a good portion of the children we have seen at camp and it is such a blessing. It also keeps me out of my comfort zone and out of my normal element.

You are all a blessing and I thank the Lord for each of you.

Learning to serve the Lord in all we do,

 

Matt, Amanda, Jacob, Leah and Noah Hadden

Things to pray for:

1. Amanda and baby Noah

2. Matt learning how to be a librarian

3. God would bring the right people our way for us to pour into and disciple

4. That the idea of community would grow in our church

Amanda's Update :)

Yes yes...this isn't old news. I haven't updated in a while! Summer Camp at Chanku Waste Youth Ranch starts up and just about nothing else gets done.  We had a fantastic summer, and had some smaller numbers some weeks but we were able to see more one on one discipleship which was so powerful. He had a few come to know Jesus, and we planted seeds every day. During the summer, the kids get to hear the gospel everyday. And some weeks we slow down on the long bible studies, because the kids have heard, and more times then not, our actions, our love, our life living, shows them more of Jesus then what we speak.

This summer was also our second year as Camp Directors with TEAMeffort Missions out of Jacksonville, FL.  It's a mission organization that just celebrated  20 years of ministry this year! They organize youth construction mission trips. God has used this ministry so much for us personally with new relationships and friends, and also with getting so far in our construction aspect of the Kids Camp. A quick overview of what we accomplished with their help this summer: we built a storage garage behind the main garage, built an archery shed, enclosed the camp side of the garage for camp storage with shelving, accomplished SO much in the Motorcycle Ministry side of the garage, built a stage in the Chapel area and sound booth, helped finish drywall, painted the first coat of paint, painted the trim, built a nice food pantry in the green building beside the church, along with a few other small things! All of that Matt and a few other TE staff leaders organized while camp was going on.  We would not be where we are in the building without the servents of TEAMeffort Missions. We are so blessed by their ministry and all the groups that came from all over the country to serve our people. 

On a personal note, Leah this year was not stop at camp. Last year, it was a good day if she stayed to til lunch time. Which this year, has really been much more of a mild summer, heat wise.  We definiatly had hot days but nothing like last summer. At the end of the day, it was a challenge to get her to come back inside to rest.  Jacob was in his element!! He thrives in every area.  This year, we had a lot of chances to teach him examples of leadership.  Sometimes, our little ones get separated out because they are missionary kids, but the reality is that they are in the heart of ministry as well.  They go to camp everyday throughout the summer, and they get tired and overwhelmed just like us.  Matt and I were so proud to see our kids setting examples, and leading while still being kids. Jacob and Leah both start school on the 9th.  Jacob is in first grade, and Leah will start pre-k.  Sharing with a friend of mine, I stated that this school year is all about GRACE!! Adding a sweet little baby, traveling and speaking, I do not have unrealistic expectations of how it will go.  We will do what we can, and lean on Jesus!! haha! 

We are reaching 34 weeks on Sunday with our pregnancy.  It seems like it has flown by, but at the same time...now it seems time is slowing down for sure!  It is amazing how God designed pregnancy and allows us to bond with Noah even in the womb.  God is creating a love between us and him like no other. We get excited thinking about the changes, and the new things He will bring into our lives, and also enjoy thinking about how he will so much enrich our lives even more.  A few weeks after Leah was born, God gave me a vision of Noah.  I knew we would have one more son one day.  I know that God knows the beginning and the end, and everything in between, but it is so amazing to catch a little glimpse of that and be reminded that he holds every piece of our lives and weaving even the smallest details together. As with Jacob and Leah, I can't wait to see what God has in store for Noah and how he will impact the Kingdom.  I pray that our kids are always eternally minded. 

Matt has made some changes in his health over the summer.  He has decided to be intentional about his health and over the summer lost about 40 pounds total. We have been so proud of him! It's so neat to hear Jacob choose salad over something else with the reasoning of being more healthy like daddy.  "Things are caught by kids, not taught." Matt is leading by example and it has been a joy to see.  I am so thankful for Matt, we are celebrating our 8th anniversary on Aug 20th, and reflecting on where we have come from is overwhelming.  God has been so gracious in our marriage. I have seen so much growth in Matt over that last few years, and seeing him thrive in this ministry it is so evident he was designed, created, and called for this. God gives us the grace to grow in our marriage everyday and I am totally excited for the rest of our lives! Matt enriches our life so much and I am more proud to be his everyday. 

This week, which is why our blog is being updated, we are enjoying a vacation with our family in Branson, MO. My sister came up from Texas, and my mom and dad, brother and his new bride came up from Georgia.  Leah and I are heading down to Alabama for our cousins wedding then heading back up to South Dakota. After that we welcome Matt's family and some dear friends of ours to help build our room addition and get ready for Noah's arrival. Then we just get to rest, and be together as we wait for baby.

God has been providing in every aspect of our ministry.  He has been so faithful!  We don't even have time to question or grow concerned with how we will do it, He just does it! It has been so awesome to see that. We have no doubt he will continue to grow our faith as He follows through with His promises!

Most importantly, Thank you all for your prayers! I wish we could thank you all individually.  Your financial support has been a huge aspect of us being here, and we are so grateful!  It takes the body of Christ to carry out ministry, and we could not do it without the obedience and support of the body of believers.  Thank you over and over!

In the coming weeks, we will have a website that will tie all our social media, contacts, updates, ect in one place and we will let you know that as well.  We love you all and are SO thankful for each of you in our lives!

Amanda <3

End of Summer Update!

Hello everyone,
Wow how the time flies when your having fun.
I cant believe the summer is pretty much over. The kids at camp are talking about school and getting ready to start back in just a few weeks.
Kids camp has been going so well this summer. I can tell a huge difference in the respect and the tone from the kids compared to last year, that comes from the trust and relationships we have been working on building. 
Another encouraging thing I have seen this summer is the growth of our teens. Last summer we were having maybe 3-4 teens, this summer we have had over 15 pretty much everyday. For our teen night Amanda and I do on friday nights, we been having 25-30 every week and some weeks more than that. This is exciting because this has been a very hard age to reach in the past and I believe If this younger generation ever grabs hold of the gospel, it will be revival on Pine Ridge.

We have been doing a study on truth with the teens. What is truth? Does it matter? The bible says it will make you free. Free from what?
So much of our issues within the body of Christ today is because we so many times are not willing to embrace truth but rather cling to how we were raised or what we have believed our whole life regardless if it is what the word of God says. This is so hard for the majority of Christians I believe. It requires acknowledging that we are wrong perhaps and then require a shift in our theology.
The Lord has been growing me in this area over the last few months. Do I really believe what I say enough to act on those beliefs or am I just saying Lord, Lord and not doing what He says. I have seen God work so much in our lives over the last year and am amazed that He remains faithful even when we are lacking in our faith. The bible says to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. There is much power in belief, what you believe is the difference in your eternity as well as the difference in blessing or curse in your life for today. I challenge you to do more than just say Lord, Lord but also do the things He says and act on what you say you believe.

We have just 8 more weeks til baby Noah will be with us, and we are excited for his arrival. With this, we also have school starting back for Jacob and Leah. After this full summer we are ready for a couple of weeks in between to rest a little before we go into the next season of ministry here. Next month we will be starting our ministry garage program where we will be working on local cars while teaching some of the young adults how to do this as a practical skill while also discipling them in the bible. We pray this will open opportunity to pour into this age group that we have had a hard time reaching in the past. Pray that God will bring the right young people into this program and give us wisdom on how we are to go about it. So much of this we are learning as we go as well.

We have come a long way on the building. We have got the power turned on and all the lights and recepticals are in and look great thanks to a team of electricians.
We have just got all the walls painted this week and have been doing a lot of minor things to finish it out. Next week we will be hanging doors and start trimming it out.
We are at a place of needing flooring and a septic tank put in to go to the next step of finishing the kitchen and bathrooms. Thank you so much to everyone who has been working with us on the building it is such a blessing and we have already been using it all through the summer with the kids at camp. Many of you have put your hands to work on it, some of you have donated materials that you had at your house or shop, some have donated the finances and some have been praying it through with us. We could not have been this far wihout all of you and we are so grateful.

We hope you are all doing well and look forward to trying to see some of you in a few months.

 

Learning to serve the Lord in all we do,
Matt, Amanda, Jacob, Leah and baby Noah Hadden

 

 

Things you can pray for and also things we are in need of.
1.  A headset microphone for doing children's church
2.  A handheld wireless microphone
3.  Any old motorcycles or cars that can be worked on in the garage for learning
4.  Folding tables for the dining area of the camp bldg
5.  Projector and screen for the new chapel
6.  Septic system and flooring
7.  Cabinets for the kitchen
8.  Monthly support

His Grace Abounds

Finally it's time for an update.  I've waited a while to update on purpose because I wanted it to be real and to really have my thoughts together, so here goes...well everything!  We spent a few months here last year and had such a great time.  We hit the ground running, our schedule was so crazy, we had family and friends visit and work for most of our time last summer, and this time has been different. I am going to warn you, this is not my pity party, this is me being real, vulnerable, moldable, and teachable. 

God gave me the name for this blog "refined by design", for a very real reason.  He knew better than anyone else that this journey was going to take me to places I have never been before, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  He knew the areas in my life that would be refined according to HIS design for my life. He knew areas I would struggle, and areas that I would excel.  He knew the areas where I would need him most and the areas that I was going to try and "handle" on my own.  He knew every challenge I would face.

We got here the first of March, so going on two months.  We have experienced weather and snow days like I have never experienced before! The challenges of moving and settling for the millionth time, homeschooling, the fun of the first few months of pregnancy, feeling homesick, and just being in a new place takes some time to adjust. With the weather, we haven't been able to do all of what we have wanted to ministry wise, so this time has been more of a slow go.  Last summer, Leah and I flew in and the next day Camp started, there was no time to adjust it was just all in.  So it caught me by surprise when there were weeks where we were snowed in for days at a time.  I had a plan when we moved that it would be so much easier to keep to a schedule, finish school earlier in the year, accomplish my to do list, actually DO a few pintrest projects, read, have a solid quiet time, organize, plan, reach goals.  After all, we can't run out and kill time window shopping or lunch dates, or play dates, and we don't have a schedule packed with social stuff, we can just be home and accomplish things here. But also to my surprise, I was really sick (still getting sick some days) with this pregnancy.  All I wanted was to lay down and keep my lunch in...too much? haha!  I was tired.  I was annoyed. I was discouraged.  I wasn't accomplishing anything. "No one will know if the dishes aren't done, no one will see that I've been in bed all day...so I'll just be here if you need me." was my line of thinking.  Honestly, I allowed myself to believe the lies I was hearing.  "It won't matter, Amanda." But when I noticed my thinking, I quickly realized I wasn't in a good place. I wanted to physically feel like myself again, I wanted to have energy, I wanted to get the things done that I wanted to.  It wasn't the to-do list that I wanted to 'do well' on, that's just what it translated to.

I love the Lord, truly.  I know that this is a time of growth, and all I wanted to do is dwell in my woes, and just "be".  And the things in my heart that I knew were finally starting to overwhelm my flesh...because I let them.  I decided that I wasn't going to dwell in the fact that I am here missing my family, missing my best friends having their first baby, getting engaged, and seeing all my nieces and nephews grow.  I am here to flourish!  You may be like whoa...she sounds like she is weak.  Well then you would be completely correct!  I am weak, and through my weakness I have experienced grace, growth, strength.  I understand that we are called here for ministry, to be used mightily for God's kingdom, but I didn't know that I was one of His biggest ministries. By that I mean, I had no idea I would be the one being poured into.  Not by others, but by Him, by my husband, by my kids. I was the one being taught. I was the one being held up. I was the one being freed.

I have a friend, Suzanne, that posted in her blog recently about freedom. I feel we are in similar places in life. Parenting is hard, pregnancy is hard, sitting still is hard, homeschooling is hard, ministry is hard, waiting is hard, but I know in my heart that when we are faced with new challenges GRACE ABOUNDS ABUNDANTLY!  To be honest with you, our biggest ministry thus far has been ourselves. And through that God allows us to be beacons of light in a dark and dying world. He allows us opportunities to share His mercy, grace, and love. If I could do this life on my own, I wouldn't need grace. But I can't, why would I want to?  When God is pouring out abundant grace?  Please understand when I say this...I hope in areas of my life, I am always weak. I am always seeking direction, and guidance, and that I am always dependent on Him. We live in a world that is claiming to be self sufficient.  Well so far it's not going so well, if you haven't noticed.  We are in need of a Savior. We are in need of His wisdom, and so in need of His grace. 

Yes, I will have blah days, I will be discouraged at times, but I have to know in my heart and believe above any circumstance that in Him I am strong, and I am being refined in a beautiful way.  In all my shortcomings, He is real and alive, and active in my life.  In all my failures, He is stronger.  Over all my fear, He has overcome.  Over my flesh, I am made new. He is so worthy, and I am humbled by His love and patience for me. I am thankful He sees WHO I am, not what I do. I am giddy over His passion for me and His people.

Leaning and learning,

Amanda