How can we reach them?

Hello Friends, 

I wanted to share with you the things that are going on in my heart over the last several weeks. Our time here on the reservation has brought more loss than we have ever experienced in our lifetime.  We have lost friends and 3 pets (tragically) .  We have mourned and grieved with our friends who lost their own family.  We have wept through countless suicides (5 over that last 2 weeks) and tragic deaths. We have never cried out more for our Native brothers and sisters as we have over the last several weeks. Our heart aches.  To hear of 12 year olds, 13, 18 year olds being bullied to the point of suicide but never “showing the signs”, breaks us to pieces. For life to be so sad they think that is the only way out.  God has grown our student ministry almost to more than we can handle, and we are so thankful.  But our heart mourns for those we have yet to reach.  The urgency is so real.  It is our reminder, our push to do more, love more.  For a long time I have been praying for vision.  To see our girls through His eyes, and reach and love them with His great love and grace.  Our teen girls, rightfully so, find it hard to trust others.  So it’s not that easy to just jump into a relationship with them or even hold a conversation with girls your just meeting.  How many times have they been hurt, burned, rejected, abused, bullied?  It makes me angry at sin, and evil.  But makes me more passionate about the gospel and God’s gift of LIFE, RESCUE, REDEMPTION! 

I am reading Francis Chan’s book “You and Me Forever”.  In the first chapter it talks about how when we stand before God, we don’t do it as a couple.  We stand before God in account of ourselves.  I am not riding Matt’s coat tails into Heaven.  I am accountable to everything God has called ME to do.  I want to be faithful in that.  A lot of the time that looks like motherhood.  Teaching the ABC’s and what it means to have good character, how to share, and how to wipe your fanny (yes, I call it a fanny sometimes.…Don’t judge!)  More and more though it looks like phone calls, texts, sleepovers, late night conversations about life, or facebook messages to girls that I care about more than I could express.  They bless me.  I hope to do the same for them.  I want to make a difference in their life.  I want to plant a seed for GOD to do a mighty work in their life.  What does that look like here?  Not what I can put together with my limited knowledge of what they truly need, but what can God use?  What does He have planned?  His ministry is often times different than what we can imagine or organize, He knows all things.  He knows what will reach them, and what will resound with them.  He knows the things that will fail.  I want Him to do this. This needs to be Holy Spirit led.  

The last few weeks all of the girls that we had the privilege to take to Georgia in December lost either a family member or friend to suicide.  That is just the girls that went with us.  2 weeks ago, I was not going to bed until God gave me a vision for the girls in our community.  I prayed for a practical way to reach girls we wouldn’t normally have the opportunity to meet.  Matt and I know the way to be present for our students is to get in the schools. Matt is stepping down from his full time position at the school, but so that we can both be more present if that makes sense.  This will give us more time to reach the middle and high schools, and has opened opportunities to also serve the staff members.  We want to be in every school we can! 

So God painted this beautiful picture of a way that we could encourage, and reach out to the girls all over Pine Ridge Indian Reservation.  A project that would involve them directly in the community to work with each other to create opportunities to stand with each other, love one another, and create a great way to unite teen girls all over the community.  This has been moving quickly, and I have connected with some amazing women who have the know how to get things going in the right direction!  

Next week, yes you have to wait, I will tell you all about our campaign and what we hope to accomplish.  So many of you have asked how you can help in the recent suicide tragedies.  I know change won’t come over night, but if we can impact one young girl, it was worth it.  This will be a way you can get involved. Chat soon? :)

 A teaser..... what does it mean?!! 

2015..what what!!

       I love a new year. I love new beginnings. New starts. I love it all! I get giddy about a new planner, new (old, unaccomplished) goals, refreshed goals and revisited dreams.  You won't believe this but I am sitting in a hotel room...alone. ALONE. This is real life.  I am in Denver waiting to pick up Jacob and Leah from an extended stay at Noni's, Memaw's, and Gigi's, enjoying all the grandparent spoiling. I drove 6 hours from home this evening, and I'll pick them up early in the morning, say a quick 'Hello, goodbye..." to my dad who is flying them here, then flying back to Atlanta.  Thanks to a wonderful granddad who retired from Delta, we get to reap the benefits.  Then I will make the drive back with two precious little kids who have been so well loved by family over the last few weeks.  It is important for our littles to know their family, and we are so thankful they had the time to spend with everyone.

      Ladies, mothers....I know it's almost impossible for you to slip away.  You simply must.  Even just for a quick coffee shop date, long drive, or a Target run.  You must.  It's so hard to have a complete thought some days, much less some intense time of reflection.  So I had 6 hours in the car all by myself.  I listened to music, worshipped loudly in my car, listened to podcasts, prayed, cried a little, and dreamed. Dreamed on God sized things.  Things only He can do.  I thought back on this last year.  All that He has accomplished for HIS kingdom.  I remembered all the little prayers I prayed that He answered. Some that He didn't, in the way I thought anyway.  I thought back on how my husband has grown, how my kids have grown, how I have grown.  So much blessing in one year.  Not all of it was fun.  Not all was easy.

      God has been doing some tweaking of my heart for the last SEVERAL weeks....well months. You know the prayer you pray where you ask God to do something deep in your heart, and show you areas that you may not be truly ready to see, I prayed that.  I have always had big dreams. Big dreams for ministry, and reaching women and young girls.  I have had a heart for women's ministry for about 12 years now.  Knowing that in some way God would use me to reach and encourage other women.  I also knew that He was waiting on me.  Waiting on me to GET out of the way!! He is still waiting, haha! Honeslty, and unfortunately, I can count on one hand the amount of goals I have reached and actually accomplished. They may be small goals, but goals that I set out to reach non the less.  Something I am terrible at is discipline.  Even to wake up at a certain time, have a routine, schedule, finish a book, little things that add up in the scheme of things.  It sets a pattern of...well not reaching goals, not growing, going about life in survival mode.

      I friend of mine has a motto for each new year. Lauren, I hope you don't mind me mentioning you :)  I love that!  Something you can remember that sets the tone for your year.  This year, and every year, I hope to live intentionally.  As a mom, where sleep is unpredictable, there are days that I wake up simply to look forward to bed time.  Am I right?! What are the things in that day that I miss out on because I am so ready to be done with the next thing.  I want to live with intention.  Being in the moment.  I want to have intentional relationships.  I want to be intentional in growing, setting goals that mean something and accomplish something!  I want to have an eternal mindset, and not miss simple opportunities to share the love of Jesus.

      I have taken this sweet moment of quiet serenity to dream about what this year holds.  We are having a growth spirt in the ministry in Pine Ridge.  Entering a new season, at new levels in our relationships in the community, and stepping out in faith, everyday.  We can NOT be effective in ministry, or simply in loving others if we are not dependent on Jesus.  He is shaking and making things happen, and sometimes there are growing pains that come in a big time of growth.  We are dying to self, refusing to remain in the same position.  We are seeing our lack, our selfishness, our shortcomings, and having to daily give them over to someone greater.  People, if He can use us, He can use you!! He is just asking for you to be available.  We just said "Yes" to this amazing journey, and we will never be the same for it.  This year, be intentional.  Imagine what could happen if you say "I will go..." or " I will do this or that".


Better late than never...Cheers to 2015!! Bring it on.

Do what where we are planted?!?

  The whole point of this blog is to give others some insight, and honesty into our journey.  We even have our website named haddenjourney.com (shameless plug) because we are very much on this journey of adventure, self realization, growth in every.single.area, humility, selflessness when you are a selfish being, and it is uncomfortable.  The definition of "journey" is to travel from one place to another.  That has defined us for the past few years.  Traveling, growing, from one place to the other.

This morning has been quite the morning.  A sweet (unsweet) little teether, a whinny (almost) 5 year old little girl, and my oldest who only wants to talk about being in a "real" school with a "real" teacher (homeschooling fail 101).  I don't always love homeschooling, and I struggle with feeling equipped to teach.  It's not natural for me.   Maybe your reading this thinking "this is the greatest thing we have ever done!", I'm just not there yet.  I know we will get to that point, but right now it's not always fun or easy.  Even worse when all your sweet boy wants to do is be somewhere else.  And the honestly comes out, when you want them in another school some days too!!  I don't feel that way all the time, and I know he will get the best education at home, but you homeschool moms...Don't lie and say you love it all the time! haha! It's a huge task, with a lot of pressure.  Maybe I'm just doing it wrong! haha! Maybe it is all flowers and butterflies, and perfect crafts, and perfectly done papers, happy children, and joyful moms. But I'm sure we all have those days.  The other day I posted a quote about being content.  About it being more about us, than our situation or circumstance that make our contentment.  Disclaimer: This is not a pity post, it's a real post that I believe so many of us deal with.  There are people, friends, and family even who don't see us as "being on the mission field".  They view us as just living in the prairie land in America.  Oh yes, prairie it is.  And in America, yes!  But oh so much more.  We still have left our home, easier for Matt than myself.  Only because this is what He has always done, and He is awesome at it!  And he is a man, it's just plain easier. Haha!  We have left the comforts of somethings and gained the comforts of others.  We have grown dependent on the Lord, and our little family. We do love it here, promise.  But let's get real.  The "bloom where you are planted" thing isn't always easy.  There is a moment where God does a work in your heart to throw out any negative, gross thing and replaces it with peace, understanding, and CONTENTMENT.  I appreciate when people thank us, or make comments like "your so brave", or "your so inspirational".  It is encouraging, even if we don't think that of ourselves. But seriously, I have days let me tell you when I am kicking and screaming.  Don't you?  In any arena that we are in, there are days we want something else, something more. What I want to say is, "I'm really not that brave...".  So let me tell you what I've learned.  Even in the last few weeks.

God is our contentment.  

He is our bravery.  

He is our inspiration.  

He is our refuge.  

Our Peace.  

Our straight jacket if we need it, holding us together when we are kicking, screaming, and on our way to the crazy house.  

HE IS!  

He is bigger than our desires.  

He knows them well. 

 And He knows that even though we can't always see it, He has us right where we truly want to be.  I love God's people.  I love the Native Culture and the beauty that surrounds me every day.  But I'm no different than you.  You mom's who feel your "job" isn't worthy all the time, you ministers who don't always want to minister, you women who feel you don't have anything truly for yourselves.  I've been there.  So where do you go from here?  You trust Jesus.  Period.  You trust in His promises that He has FULLY equipped you to do all the things He has called you to.  In my discouraged moments of feeling like I'm not doing enough, or whatever, and I talk to Matt he always asks me, "Ok, where do you want to be? What do you want to be doing?"  And my answer is always, "Here, doing what I'm doing!"  Because that is truly my heart.  My heart, and desire is to be here, ministering, sharing Jesus, and loving His people.  And I'm thankful that God knows my heart, more than I even do.

I'll be honest, while writing this my fear was that the people who think I'm "strong" all the time read this and see that I'm "weak".  Seriously Amanda! That is such a dumb thought.  I mean for real... Who is strong apart from Jesus?  None of us.  If nothing else is seen in this post, I hope you see that I am weak apart from Jesus.  I need Him.  I trust Him, and in some small way, each day He is teaching me.  Refining me.  I know there are ladies, moms, and wives who have been in this place.  So I want to encourage you...He is our contentment.  When we aren't content in where God has us, it is usually a heart issue.  So dig deep ladies, because you are doing the most important job in your home, and I hope that you find contentment in Jesus.

Learning to "Bloom",

Amanda

Grace - Based Parenting

Over the last several months I have joined the Audible community.  The last thing I am disciplined in is reading.  So I joined the wonderful world of audible reading!  I can be driving, cleaning, taking a shower and be diving into a good book.  It narrates the book to me, and I love getting to do other things while still "reading". Talk about multi tasking!!  If you haven't downloaded the app, check Audible out with a free trial.

Teaching my kids the importance of reading has kicked my tail, and I am striving to "lead by example".  To help me get more motivated to read/listen, I'll be doing a monthly giveaway of the book that I read for that month.  If I just feel really accomplished I may even tackle a few books a month, but whenever I finish a book that I feel is worth sharing, I will do a give away.

We are in the thick of parenting.  I mean the nitty-gritty, hand's dirty, worn out, time of parenting.  LOTS of character building, educating, loving, leading, mentoring, and we are learning as parents at every stage.  One thing Matt and I have discussed as of late, it how do we discipline with Grace.  How do we show that there are consequences, yet show them the perfect picture of the Gospel?   God teaches us grace at our weakest, most ugly moments.  He forgives without question, and it draws us closer to him.  We want to draw our children to us, not push them away.   We want to draw them to Jesus, not make them feel they can never live up to certain standards.  So where is the balance?  Because I am not OK with saying "Oh that's fine, try again next time." All the time.  They need to know there are consequences for bad decisions, and for sin.  God knew we couldn't be good parents on our own.  And sometimes I have to remind myself that I was never meant to.  Seriously, I am a very flawed human being.  And to be 'allowed" to parent is a gift in and of itself.  I want to take every opportunity to grow, especially in our parenting.  It is the most important job we have.

I have read a few fiction books, but mostly enjoy reading books that will encourage me in my reality, not take me out of reality in a made up novel.  Not in anyway knocking fiction, I just have to have a really good book to keep me intrigued.   The thing in "self-developement" books is that it allows you to evaluate where you are.  Leaves you with an opportunity to grow.   I need that push, so I like reading things that renew my mind, leave me feeling encouraged, or challenge me in my faith.  That's not to say there won't be some fiction reviews, and if you know a good one let me know!

Grace - Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel gives you practical ways to teach and show grace.  It points out parenting styles and the ways that it can harm your children spiritually, and emotionally.  The good and the bad.  In this generation, we want our children to love others without judgement, and to show grace to others, but to also know biblical values and standards.  I desire for my children to run to Jesus when they fail, not run from Him. That's grace!  How will they know if we don't teach them?  Grace should be our anthem.  If you find yourself in the same stage of life we are in, read this book.  Read it, talk it out, pray about how God would have you implement this in your home, and be encouraged! We have the best teacher, and we need to seek Him in every area.  Be sure to check out Family Matters website for more great resources.

With that said, who doesn't like freebies?!

So, subscribe to the blog, share my blog with friends, and leave a comment below.  That will let me know you 1. Subscribed to my blog and 2. Shared the blog with your friends.  If you know a mom or dad wanting to find something that works, this could be it. So pass it along!! I will do a drawing and announce the winner Friday, Sept. 26th.  :)

In a flash...

And just like that summer is done and the new season begins.  We had a wonderful summer!  We had the privilege of serving beside some of the most genuine people you will ever meet.  We also got to spend the summer with our full time staff with TeamEffort Missions, and we were very thankful to have Matt's sister, Laura, to help with Noah and everything that comes with getting camp going.  Our life looks very different in the summer.  We throw routine out the window and camp schedule takes over.  It is pretty amazing to meet so many people, from so many places, with the same heart to serve.  It paints a beautiful picture of the gospel when so many people come from all over to share the same love.

Now we are getting into the wonderful, LONG season of WINTER...bleh.  Matt is so excited and I'm well, more excited than I was last year.  So. Much. Snow.  I love the relationships we are able to build in the winter.  There is a lot of one on one discipleship, and practical ministry like providing firewood, cooking dinner for other families, bible studies, and mentorships.

We started school on the 20th and so far so good.  Even though it is just about a week in.  Thankfully we are able to join Classical Conversations, which is a homeschool community that meets once a week.  We are stoked to meet new moms, and new friends for Jacob and Leah.  It will be a little bit of a haul, but we are getting errands done while we are in town as well.  It will be a great opportunity, and it will be so nice to have some help with teaching.  We looking forward to connecting to a community we can relate to, and partner with other moms and little ones.  One thing that the Lord is teaching me is that He hears me.  He hears the little details of what my heart longs for.  I have prayed for community.  A community of other moms, in the same boat, in the same season, with the same values.  He heard me.  He gave us peace about joining Classical Conversations, and lead someone to pay for everything we needed for the tuition and our curriculum for the school year.  The creator of the universe heard my small request, and gave us the desires of my heart.

It may seem like a small thing, but spend the winter in a cute little cabin with LOTS of snow and you will appreciate a little community! haha!  We have wonderful friends here at our church, they are family, but it's so great to have other moms to lean on during this homeschool journey that takes me oh-so-out of my comfort zone.  I know some of you can relate!

We have a Women's weekend coming up next week and we are expecting great things! Our first ever Women's Event of this size.  We are having a group of ladies come from Texas to help.  I know it will be a great time of growing spiritually and in our relationships.  It's easy to get disconnected from one another when life gets busy.  We hope to build strong relationships so that we can support each other, and build each other up when life gets tough!  I will be sure to update you after the weekend!

Please be in prayer over our Women.  Pray over our ladies coming to help that we would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and our agenda would be out of the way.  Pray that they would be open to hearing the Word.  Pray that we would be able to minister to all who come and meet their needs.  Pray for God to have his way!

Thank you all for reading this scattered, infrequently updated blog :)

Gently leads....

This is a crazy season for us, but SO welcomed after the long winter we had.  This is a time where our schedule is overwhelming at times, but at the end of the day we are filled and refreshed.  We get the wonderful opportunity to spend time with believers from all over the country that share our same hope for the Lakota people and it reminds us of the joy it is to serve the native people.  One thing that has been strong on my heart is Isaiah 40:11 "He tends His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in arms and carries them close to His heart.  He gently leads those with young."

 

Gently.

 

Gently.

 

The word keeps ringing through my heart. I know this verse well, but lately this verse has dwelt in my heart like no other time.  Not because my days are miserable, or agonizing by any means. Simply because it is becoming an anthem for me.  When I picture this, I don't picture God, as our shepherd, hurrying us along.  Trying to make it to a deadline, or out the door, not rushing or pushing us.  I picture Him gently placing His hand in ours and in the most "gentle" way walking with us.  He is a God who is justice. A God of mercy.  A God of patience.  And all of His characteristics are so perfectly balanced,  not one is greater than the other. Man... let me just say.  He has been gently leading me in the sweetest of ways.  He gently speaks to my heart.  He gently reminds me to be patient with my children or to ask them for forgiveness in the times that I mess up (humbling).  He gently whispers in the moments that are loud and chaotic. He gently gives me peace when I am searching for it.  He gently stokes my spirit to be more intimate with him.  He gently calls to me when my days are so busy I don't take the time for him.  He gently shows me how to love His people.  And He gently draws me closer to him. 

 

You know those moments, when regardless of how your day went, or how long your night was, when you are holding your baby and you just burst with love and joy in the gift of children?  God. Does. That!  We bring joy to him.  He looks on us with JOY.  Painful Joy. Know what I mean? Had those times when you feel your heart could explode your so happy?  Not just for mothers or parents, but anyone who has experienced joy.  Good Joy. Soulful Joy!  He feels that towards you. 

 

God knows my heart. He knows ME.  He knows my struggles, my sins, my heart cry.  And He comes to me *gently* and restores me. Gah.  My heart is so overwhelmed. He is so good. So sweet. So tender. Mothers, He KNOWS us. He knows the struggles, the frustrations, the long days, and long nights.  But guess what else He knows...the joys, the victories, the rewards.  He knows the task that sets before us to pour into our children's lives with Godly truth and foundation. He knows we need Him. He knows we can't do it alone. And He gently leads us. 

 

My prayer for you is that this beautiful word would become real in your life.  That we would let Him lead us.  If you haven't heard the word "gentle" enough in this post, let him gently restore your life.  He is so Worthy, capable, and willing to do so.  He created our "job", let Him give us wisdom in doing it well. 

 

Cante Wotecela

 -Lakota for "gentle heart"

 

Bathroom Addition - Part Uno

     I really do love blogging...and the whole reason for starting the blog was to show you a glimpse into our life here in Pine Ridge. So I am doing my  best to be more consistent.  This post makes me so very happy!  If you are one of the few HUNDRED people who have passed through our home here at Chanku Waste Ranch, you will be so excited to visit, and stay with us again this summer!

 

 Before we welcomed Noah, Matt's family came up to help do a room addition for the big kids, Jacob and Leah!  Until them they had a small like 10 x 10 room (maybe), room enough for a dresser and bunk beds and not much else. We are so in love with our little Log Cabin and I have been so thankful to have a very attractive handy man living here with me! ha! Then, when the kids and I were in Georgia over Christmas, Matt did a remodel to our little kitchenette by adding a hanging pot rack, dishwasher, new cabinets, and more counter space.  I wish I had more before and afters to show you but that was an after thought. But again, those of you who have been here and stayed with us will appreciate this all the more. Before the kitchen redo. I had NO upper cabinets, hardly any counter space, no dishwasher, a single bay sink, and no storage space. It started to become a pain with our growing family. So once again my sweet man did his thing!

 

   So...low and behold...He truly is my favorite person...is doing a remodel on our closet/pantry/bathroom area.  What does this mean? A PANTRY....gasp! Let me say that again.... A PANTRY!  A full bathroom!!!  Yes, we have only one full bathroom and it's in our bedroom which is inconvenient with having people stay with us in the summer, and just plain taking a number is not ideal. So we are adding a second full bathroom! I can hear the angels singing!  And adding a small closet for Matt's clothes as well. Log cabins don't have closets?! Its true which has made it a little more interesting. My clothes are in the kids' closet. Yep, 5 people using ONE closet. Yikes!

 

So I will be posting pictures in sections. I didn't grab a raw before picture but if you can imagine, we had a closet, a large shelf unit as the pantry, a deep freezer, misc kitchen storage, a half bath, AND laundry room in one small area. So...I'm a little giddy with excitement!

 

 

This is after we moved a lot out. To the right is our half bath with our ONLY built in shelves for storage.

 

This is a tiny glimpse of our little storage area and half bath. Soon to be PANTRY!  I think if I make it really BIG everytime I say it, you'll get the point that I'm excited.

 

 

Part 2 coming tomorrow! Mr. Handyman is working on if after work so we can have it done before the big kids get back from their family visit from Georgia.

 

<3